Pointless
by birdie-and-the-reaper
Summary: Malik is having a pointless day, until he runs in to Ryou under a willow tree R/M*SLASH*


O.K. so yaoi isn't exactly my thing,  
  
but it's Birdie's birthday and she loves it so be prepared for much yaoi in this fic, it's a oneshot so that's also strange for me but... yeah...  
  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIRDY!!!  
  
Pairing: Ryou/Malik (My favorite)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The rain came down...  
  
down...  
  
down...  
  
Malik shivered, wondering who bothered to invent rain so he could go over and disembowl him. Usually he didn't mind rain, but tonight it sucked. Possibly because he was wearing only his lilac no-sleeved shirt.  
  
He didn't bother avoiding large puddles, just stormed right through them and got even wetter. The water drenched the bottom of his black leather pants, not that it mattered, he was drenched everywhere anyway.  
  
He could just imagine idiotic mothers pushing their snotty brats around and quickly moving to the other side road to avoid him, calling him a 'young hooligan'.  
  
He kicked a few puddles in their honour. Of course, their was no-one else out but him and a few hobos, seeing as it was the middle of the night  
  
BOOM!!!  
  
"AHHH!!!" he yelled, slipping over and falling in the biggest puddle around.  
  
BOOM!!!  
  
FLASH!!!  
  
Malik picked himself up, kicked a random homeless person and started storming back down the street whilst muttering things like "Bloody stupid thunder, we never got that in Egypt," and "Whats the point of thunder anyway"  
  
He carried on for a while, kicking puddles, lamposts, dustbins, trees, pidgeons, small children, preists and the lot, cursing them as he went  
  
"Stupid preists, whats the point of them anyway"  
  
He carried on, as insanely as he could.  
  
"Stupid Yami's, they don't have much of a point either. They just stand around fighting each other, killing each other, plotting with each other, plotting against each other, screwing each other and keeping their Hikari's up all night" (He was earning a few funny looks for his incessant rambleing to himself)  
  
"Stupid Yami's and their stupid pointless plots and that stupid pointless Pharoh and his stupid pointless Hikari and their stupid friend who does have a point (to annoy me) and has nothing better to do but stand around bitching about love and peace and friendship and that stupid moronic blonde who goes around challenging everyone he meets to a duel, and always gets into some sort of shit and has the pharoh get him out of it, and bitches to that Kaiba guy about how bitchy he is, speaking of which..."  
  
He stopped.  
  
He had reached his destination. A pretty little corner under a willow, by a river. He went there to get away from his psychotic deranged Yami and his psychotic deranged friend Bakura.  
  
but there was a problem.  
  
SOMEONE WAS SITTING IN HIS SPOT!!!  
  
"Someone is sitting in your spot" said his brain "They must be DESTROYED!!!"  
  
Malik moved closer to mutilate the intruder.  
  
"Stop!" Said a tiny tiny voice (his heart) "Why don't you sort this out peacefully?"  
  
Malik shrugged and stopped  
  
"They got here first" said a smaller voice (his concience)  
  
He frowned, since when did he have a concience?  
  
"NO!" said his stomache "It's time for action!"  
  
"Excuse me" Said his small intestine "I'm trying to digest the chewing gum you swallowed nine years ago, it's hard work and you're giving me a headache"  
  
Trying to exterminate the disturbing mental images from his... interesting conversation with his internal organs, he moved forward.  
  
He stopped.  
  
He thought he recognised the intruder sitting in his spot, but, it couldn't be.  
  
Could it?  
  
"DESTROY!!!"  
  
"Noooooooooooooooooo!!!"  
  
"Think about the consequences!"  
  
"ACTION!"  
  
"Ahh! Headache!"  
  
That was it, somthing inside Malik snapped.  
  
"AHHHHHH!!! YOUR A SMALL INTESTINE!!! YOU CAN'T HAVE HEADACHES!!! YOU DON'T HAVE A HEAD!!!"  
  
Expecting whoever his tresspasser was to get up and run away screaming, he was surprised to hear a small chuckle.  
  
"Talking to your internal organs Malik?"  
  
"Yeah, HEY! How do you know that I was..."  
  
"My Yami does it all the time, I expect they're... umm... together at the moment"  
  
"Ya mean screwing each others brains out? Yeah, they are" said Malik, slightly disturbed by this comparison to Bakura.  
  
He folded his arms and slanted to one side, frowning at Ryou, who was reading a book.  
  
"Well, sit down. There isn't much point standing around gettin soaked" said Ryou with a grin.  
  
This was true, so Malik sunk down against the tree next to Ryou. He read the title of the book.  
  
" One- O- six- six and all that" he said, confused  
  
Ryou snickered "Ten sixty-six and all that" he corrected  
  
"The history book to end all history books." quoted Malik from the subtitle,  
  
"Yeah, It's my favorite book next to 'the decline and fall of practically everyone'"  
  
"Really" said Malik in a 'I have no idea what you're talking about' voice. Then he snatched the book from Ryou's hands and began to read aloud, Ryou didn't protest, just looked on with an amused expression.  
  
"Chapter forty-four, The Boston Tea-Party... One day when George the third was insane he heard that the Americans never had afternoon tea. This made him very obstinate and he invited them all to a tea-party in Boston; the Americans, however, started by pouring the tea into Boston Harbour until they were quite Independant, thus causing the United States*. Ummm Ryou... my history may be a bit rusty, but I'm pretty sure that's not exactly what happened..."  
  
Ryou laughed " That's because it isn't what happened, Ten Sixty-six and all that is a joke history"  
  
Malik frowned "What's the point of that?"  
  
"There isn't one I suppose..." said Ryou with a shrug, then he smiled and started to unbutton his coat.  
  
Malik raised his eyebrows and gave a wicked grin.  
  
"Why Ryou, how forward of you... I'm sorry but I just don't think we're ready for a sexual relationship yet"  
  
Ryou grinned and rolled his eyes "No you moron, You're freezing, and you're not use to these temperatures. I was about to offer you my coat."  
  
Malik stared incredulously, he had forgotten about the temperature, he had just been so warm a few seconds ago... You had to hand it to Ryou, always thinking of others. Suddenly, somthing else came to his attention.  
  
"Uhh Ryou, my Yami said that your Yami burned all your jumpers and long- sleeved-tops when he was bored... and without sleeves..."  
  
"It's alright..." said Ryou sadly "There's no one but us around."  
  
He pulled off his midnight blue jacket and held it out to Malik.  
  
Malik took the coat with a quick glance to Ryou's arms.  
  
It wasn't quite as bad as he expected... just a few scratches on the back of his wrists and some bruising around the elbow.  
  
He took the coat and wrapped it round his ams, then he took Ryou's hand to get a closer look.  
  
"It's not as bad as I expected." he remarked, giving Ryou's pale arm a small caress. "Are you cold Ryou?"  
  
"No" said Ryou.  
  
Poor Ryou, thought Malik. Having to deal with his psychotic Yami, especially when he's halfway decent, unlike most.  
  
"Ummm... Malik" said Ryou  
  
"Mmm" Said Malik, lost in thought  
  
"Errr... can you let go of my arm now?"  
  
"What- Oh! sorry, yeah!" he said, snapping back to reality and pushing Ryou's arm away.  
  
"Are you sure you don't need the coat?" He asked, seeing that Ryou was getting paler by the second.  
  
"Oh, I'm fine" said Ryou, subsequently passing out into Maliks arms.  
  
Malik caught the smaller boy, His eyes widening for a moment, then falling in to a smirk as he decided to take him home to bed.  
  
NO!!! Where had that thought come from, not that kind of bed, he yelled at his brain, now conjuring up naughty pictures of what he could do to an unconicious, defenseless Ryou.  
  
"STOP THAT, BRAIN!!!" He yelled, standing up and cradling Ryou.  
  
He decided to make his way back to his apartment, so he set off in that direction.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He had been walking for about five minutes, when an unfortunate encounter occured.  
  
"MALIK!" yelled the voice of the person he least wanted to see right that moment. (Or any moment for that matter)  
  
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, MALIK?" The last word was spat out like a curse.  
  
Please let this be a hallucination he pleaded to numerous Egyptian gods. Apparently, the gods were punishing him for the pidgeon he deliberatly ran over earlier that day.**  
  
"Hello, Pharoh..." He Sneered.  
  
"What have you done to Ryou" shouted that wimp Yugi.  
  
"I should teach you a lesson, Malik" Said the Pharoh, as if that was the most horrible thing imaginable.***  
  
"Ooh! Scary Pharoh, really scary. I can hardly stand up in fear" he smirked  
  
"Tell us you've done to Ryou!" Wined the Pharoh's brat.  
  
"ANSWER HIM" yelled the Pharoh.  
  
"Well I was just going to pick up some rabbit food for Isis's breakfast, when I noticed an ophanage on fire. Being the kind person that I am, I blew up the orphanage to put the little brats out of their misery. Then I noticed one of the kid's flying pig fall out the window, it picked me up with its tentacles and dropped me into the sea, where the flying hamster who lives at the bottom of the sea hit me with a cabbage on ecstasy all the way back here, where I fell on top of Ryou and knocked him out, being the kind person that I am, I am taking him to the river to have him drowned, and subsequently put him out of his misery." Said Malik, coming up with the biggest load of bullshit he could think of.  
  
"OH YEAH!" Yelled the annoying Nile-king "Then how did he get those scratches and bruises that have obviously been there for days?!" he practically shreiked.  
  
"Screw this." said Malik, not wanting to be stuck in the awkward position he was getting himself into "I'm leaving"  
  
And with that, he transported himself and Ryou into the shadow realm.****  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
About an hour later Malik arrived the apartment he was staying in and layed Ryou down on his bed, once more trying to free himself of disturbing images.  
  
He moved into the other room to make some coffee, when he heard a noise.  
  
"What... where am I?..." came Ryou's voice from the bedroom  
  
He skidded in there as fast as he could and jumped on to the bed next to him. He put his hand on Ryou's forehead to check his temperature, even though there wasn't much point as he had no idea what a high temperature felt like.  
  
"Are you O.K? do you need anything, something to drink, or eat or somthing???"  
  
"Well... yes actually"  
  
"What do you need? I'll do anything"  
  
"Well in that case can you get your knee off my hip?"  
  
Malik jumped up and apoligised a million times before Ryou calmed him down enough to give him forgiveness, wondering why Malik was so concerned about him.  
  
Also wondering why he was so concerned, Malik handed Ryou his book.  
  
"Can you read to me." he said with large puppy dog eyes. "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaase!"  
  
"Sure!" said Ryou with a smile.  
  
"Ahem, Chapter Fifty-three, Causes Of The Crimean War (a) the English had not yet fought against the Russians"  
  
Ryou's lips were looking quite inviting.  
  
"(b)The Sick Man of Europe (Cured later by Florence MacNightingown)"  
  
Malik had never noticed before how pretty Ryou's eyes were...  
  
"(c) Russia was too big, and was pointing in the direction of India"  
  
Malik started to move in closer...  
  
"(d)The Holy Places. The French thought that the Holy Places ought to be guarded (probably against the Americans) by Latin Monks, while the the Turks, who owned the Places, thought that they ought to be guarded by Greek Monks. England therefore quite rightly declared war on Russia, who Immeadiately occupied Roum-"  
  
Ryou was suddenly silenced by Malik kissing him.  
  
There were no words to describe the feelings experienced by the two Lights as their lips touched.  
  
"Now who's being forward?" smirked Ryou  
  
"Shut-up and kiss me" murmured Malik, Moving in for another kiss  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Think they're gonna start screwing each other" asked Bakura, putting his binoculars down for a handful of popcorn  
  
"Who cares, this kissing is getting me aroused..." said Marik, grabbing Bakura and dropping out of the tree.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*From 1066 AND ALL THAT. Brilliant book, go out and buy it.  
  
** It has always been Birdie and my dream to run over a pidgeon  
  
*** Imitation of our form tutor "If you don't bring in a note saying why you weren't here yesterday, it will go down as TRUANTING!!!" although she makes it sound like it's going to go down as murder...  
  
****I don't know if Malik can do this, but let's just pretend he can... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Bleugh! That was crap!  
  
Sorry Birdie, HAPPY BITHDAY!!!  
  
From Reaper  
  
P.S. Sorry you wont read this till the day after your birthday, but I did put it up 17/7 so please forgive me! 


End file.
